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How to know if your friend is gay

by Fred Penzel, PhD

This article was initially published in the Winter 2007 edition of the OCD Newsletter. 

OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing serious and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A 1998 examine published in the Journal of Sex Research launch that among a organization of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. 1998). In order to acquire doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer demand not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I have observed this symptom in juvenile children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., 1989, found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden assertive or perverse sexual thoughts.

Although doubts about one’s hold sexual identity might sound pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious establish is where a sufferer experiences the thought that they might be of a different sexual orientation than they formerly believed. If the su

If Someone Comes Out to You

Someone who is coming out feels close enough to you and trusts you sufficiently to be straightforward and risk losing you as a friend. It can be difficult to know what to say and what to do to be a supportive friend to someone who has “come out” to you. Below are some suggestions you may wish to follow.

  • Thank your comrade for having the courage to narrate you. Choosing to tell you means that they own a great deal of respect and trust for you.
  • Don’t decide your friend. If you have formidable religious or other beliefs about LGBTIQ communitites, keep them to yourself for now. There will be plenty of time in the future for you to think and talk about your beliefs in clear of your friend’s identity.
  • Respect your friend’s confidentiality. Allow them the integrity to distribute what they need, when and how they want to.
  • Tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Be the friend you possess always been. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them.
  • Don’t be too serious. Sensitively worded humor may ease the tension you are both probably feeling.
  • Ask questions you may have, but understand that your friend

    Understanding the Situation

    Sexual orientation is a personal matter, and unless your friend explicitly tells you, you can never be 100% sure. However, if you’re wondering whether your comrade might be same-sex attracted, either because you suspect they’re struggling with their persona or you assess they might contain feelings for you, it’s important to approach the topic with sensitivity and respect.

    Here are some common signs that might indicate your friend is same-sex attracted and how to navigate the situation without making assumptions or making them uncomfortable.

    1. They Evade Talking About Their Love Life

    If your friend dodges conversations about crushes or relationships but is comfortable talking about every other aspect of their being, it might be because they’re not ready to speak their sexual orientation.

    Examples:

    • They change the subject when someone asks about their online dating life.
    • They rarely refer any romantic interests.
    • They seem uncomfortable when discussing relationships with the opposite gender.

    This doesn’t necessarily imply they’re gay, some people are just private, but if combined with other signs, it might be a clue.

    2. They Show a Strong Interest in LGBTQ+ Topics

    How Do I Help My Same-sex attracted Friend?

    by D’Ann Davis

    “How do I help my gay friend?”  This is a question we notice constantly in the Living Aspire office, when out speaking at events, or from friends and church members from around the world.  Twenty years ago several Christians asked this question, for few knew any same gender attracted people, or if they did know them, they were ignorant to their friend’s struggles.  Today almost everyone knows of someone who identifies as lgbtq+ or deals with a measure of same gender attractions.  Even if a Christian finds himself in a season of animation where he does not personally know of a same gender attracted (SGA) person in his sphere of influence, this doubt is of utmost importance in light of the change of our culture and the growing willingness of Christians dealing with SGA to openly talk about their issues.  So how does one help a gay-identified companion or SGA friend?

    The first response I typically give to this question is actually another question.  “Does your friend know Jesus?”  This is a vital first question any believer must tackle before attempting to help a friend deal with her sexual attractions.  This is because there are two different ro