Gay lovemaking
What Gay Men Should Predict in a Relationship
Some queer men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go house with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here’s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don’t sense they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They’ll demand me why they touch so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn’t cool or manly to object to their partner’s sexual behavior.
In other words, they touch shame for experiencing impair by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the characteristic social response when friends are told about needy relationship behavior among linear people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. LGBTQ
Cool As a Cucumber
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I’ll shove a cucumber up my ass!
It was a light bulb moment. Newton had his apple. I went with the gourd family.
I was 18, new to New York, and drunk on the D train. Drunker than usual. I had been embarrassed that night. There was this comedy group at NYU, and I was its sound guy. It was my job to urge the play button on a cassette boom box so that, after the punch line of a sketch, R.E.M. or Fine Fresh Cannibals would strike in. It was 1989.
In rehearsal that night, I’d fucked up a cue. I’d played “The Humpty Dance” after a sketch meant to end with “Back in Black.” One of the group members said, “Kevin, you don’t know this cue by now?” Then he had started singing, “If you don’t know it by now,” prefer Harold Melvin, and the whole organization chimed in enjoy the Blue Notes: “You will never, ever, ever perceive it, ooo-wooo!”
It was silly to be so embarrassed. I was too sensitive. I’d grown up knowing I was gay and not knowing I had ADHD, but always in this tug-of-war between being satisfied and mortified to be so unlike. So when the group m
AsI think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes find asked what the differences are that I see (in general) in same-sex attracted male relationships that are (again, in general), different from straight relationships.
I offer these thoughts to both solo and coupled same-sex attracted men, based on my perspective of what I’ve seen through the years. My experiences and observations as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist might differ from other male lover men, and even other gay male therapists, and we always have to be mindful of not indulging in unfair assumptions, stereotypes, or even prejudices. But since making a relationship perform (which I explain, in part, as the relationship’s level of satisfaction for each partner and in its overall longevity and subjective “quality” for each partner) is at least in part based on a skills-building process, skills that I accept are required for a gay male relationship to both endure (quantity) and thrive (quality). These are the issues that come up repeatedly in couples counseling sessions:
1. Money– Gay male couples can contain a lot of conflict around capital. Statistically, white men tend to be relatively
Injecting drugs
Sometimes people inject crystal meth and mephedrone. With this there is an increased risk of infections and viruses like HIV and HEP A&B. To minimise your risk never share needles.
Set Group Rules
Agree in advance, and while sober, what sex you want to have – and don’t want to have. Produce sure everyone is in accord about what is going to happen and respect others boundaries.
Safer Sex?
Be upfront about the type of sex you want to have – including if you want to use condoms. – and bring safer sex materials with you. Not using condoms can put you at peril of STIs, and people on certain drugs may have rougher sex increasing the risk of bleeding and infection.
PrEP
PrEP is a drug which, when taken correctly, prevents you from contracting HIV. If you are going to have unproteced sex with muliple partners and under the shape of drugs – PrEP could be beneficial in limiting your risk of HIV infection.
Other substances?
You should avoid mixing drugs, with alcohol and any other drugs and never mix poppers with erectile drugs like Viagra – please check out our data on dosing for more suggestions o